Bloopers

If anyone reading this is considering working as a tefl teacher, think of the big advantage: you get to listen to amazing English mistakes on a regular basis.  I have tried to remember the best ones as I’ve gone along.  In the majority of cases, I’ve kept my composure in the class itself but had to have a good laugh about it later.  Occasionally it’s just been too funny.  Here are the best ones that I can remember:

‘William and Kate’s baby will probably be a girl or a boy’

‘Tower Bridge opens when the shits go down the river’ (should have been ships)

I point to the word ‘shouted’

Me - ‘How do you pronounce this word’

Student, confidently - ‘shitted’

Back story: in Italian you can say ‘Maria!’ in a similar way to ‘oh God’! or ‘for God’s sake!’ in English.

In one class, there was a lot of chatting going on.

My wonderful colleague - Can you all stop chatting and focus on the English lesson? Maria!

Student (making fun of what we’re always saying to them) - Speak in English!  Not Maria! Mary! Mary!

Student wrote the word ‘coconut’ on her desk, and pointed to it, looked at me and said ‘okay?’

I didn’t understand her question and got the giggles.

Italians have problems with English vowel sounds, which sometimes works out well for me and my entertainment.

Student - ‘I love the bitch’

Me - ‘Where were you?’

Him - ‘In the bitch’  (should have been ‘on the beach’)

Me - ‘What do you think foreigners think of first when they think of Italy?’

Her - ‘Beautiful bitches’

One time a student got a massive fit of giggles when I was talking about their ‘worksheet’, and I did a mini-lesson to him and the student next to him about the difference between ‘shit’ and ‘sheet’, ‘bitch’ and ‘bitch’, ‘fuck’ and ‘fork’.  Bless them, we’ve set out a lot of traps for a very small difference in a vowel sound.

One time I was helping an English teacher friend with some practice oral exams.  This took place in exam conditions.

Me - ‘Do you like listening to English language music?’

Him - ‘Oh yes, you know the new Pink song?  *Sings* ‘just give me a reason just a na na na na na’, that one?’

Me - ‘Erm, yes?’

Him - ‘I like singing along to that one in my car’

Now these aren’t mine, but of other language assistants in Sicily.  We text each other when someone says something really good.

‘The beautiful bitches of Venice’

‘The wild bitches of Florida’

‘English people are forced to have lunch in the pub’

‘If you don’t want cock and you still want something hot’ (should have been ‘to cook...’)

In written work ‘I love the bitch’

Even though real crackers don’t happen every day, I do have a funny quotation or anecdote after the majority of school days, which makes me remember that I love my job.